Why are you melting? We like ice in our drinks on a very hot day and ice cubes are just mini icebergs, so why are you melting away so fast? We need you on those long hot days to help cool us down, and those long hot days are coming more frequently now which means we need you now more than ever. So why are you melting away?
I know icebergs had a very negative connotation for awhile, right after the Titanic sunk, but time has passed and we have forgiven you. When we need you the most, you’re melting away; and when we try to sail the seas in our big metal boats you’re always in the way. But overall, we really do miss you guys. You keep our cute little Beluga whales at the right temperatures, and what are we going to do if you guys are not there to keep them cold and alive? Icebergs are also our main form of entertainment on Nat Geo Wild because we get to watch all of the penguins slip and slide on the big hunks of ice. Icebergs are also a safe place for penguins to hide from predators in the water, like orcas. If there are no more icebergs, the only thing that’s going to be on Nat Geo Wild is a slaughter fest of penguins by the orcas in the sea, and that’s not something we want to watch. We want to watch the cute little penguins slip and slide on the ice, not a bloody massacre of their whole population. That’s not aesthetically pleasing. And if all of the penguins get eaten by orcas, how are they going to repopulate? And if there are no penguins to eat, how are the orcas going to survive? And if the orcas starve, how are they going to repopulate? And if there are no more penguins and orcas in the sea, what are we going to watch on Nat Geo Wild? Look at this very long chain reaction of unimaginable events, do we really want all that to happen? No! But the only thing that is responsible for these future events are icebergs. But icebergs don’t want to do their job anymore because they’re too hot. Icebergs these days are just so lazy, back in our day icebergs didn’t complain about staying frozen in the water.
I don’t understand why it is so hard for you icebergs to stay frozen anymore. I know that the days are getting hotter, but you all are just going to have to put in a little extra work to keep being the Earth’s natural A/C. Don’t you understand the vital role you play in keeping our oceans, our animals, and our planet cool? Humans are unable to survive on a planet with a wet-bulb of 35ºC and the Earth’s wet-bulb is currently between 27ºC and 28ºC. A 7 degree increase will make the Earth unlivable to humans and it is all thanks to the icebergs. Please understand the consequences of your actions and how it will affect the world in the future. The future of the Earth rests in the hands of the icebergs, so just know that the blame is to be placed on y’all since you are unable to put in a little extra hard work to stay frozen through these hotter days.
You guys are half out of the water and half under the water, which means you guys decide to melt you are adding more water to our oceans. This is bad, not only because icebergs contain 68.7% of the Earth's freshwater, but also because it contributes to the fast rise of the sea water. Not only are you guys trying to waste a lot of our freshwater to our salty ocean, but you are going to drown Florida in a couple of hundred of years because of how fast you're filling up our oceans. (We are way less worried about the whole Florida thing, but the loss of our freshwater supply is a lot more concerning!) See how many things you icebergs provide for humans, you can’t just give up on us now after everything we have done for you. You guys need to start putting in the extra effort and stop melting around.
I hope you understand the responsibilities you hold to the human race. Remember that there is no Planet B, so once you give up on yourself you are also giving up on everyone else too. No pressure! Just wanted to write this letter to you as a friendly reminder.
xoxoxo,
kurt :)
*** Disclaimer *** This whole letter is a satirical piece to show how humans always end up finding a scapegoat for the mistakes they made to themselves. Help save the planet by doing research about climate change and how you are able to make a positive impact on our planet (start by reading the reference located beneath this letter).